Kate Lutzner
Dear Jon,
I don’t like to think about it. I don’t even like God
now. So tell me, where are you.
I’ve seen some signs. Mostly
insects. Going about their usual things. Only
nothing
is usual now.
Not the shirt on her bed clinging
to your scent, not the dishes piling in the sink, the
cats so despondent
one can only hang
its head.
I haven’t even looked for the room.
Emily talks about flies a lot. I guess they’re
insects. We draw connections
where we can. Do you remember
the pink shoes? I’m wearing them
now.
I am at the copy center and it’s
early. A half a century, at least. The man’s being
awfully
nice about it but I know, quietly, his heart is
breaking.
I see it in the way his hands slow on the glass where
your picture
is multiplying so they can have something
of you tomorrow. They’ll be crying, all right.
I keep forgetting the name of the water
we’re supposed to buy and the guy in the back is
dancing like nothing has happened.
The guy in the front is fingering
a cigarette. The girl lining up
copies of women’s
clothes says she wants to break
something. Only, there’s nothing
left.
I know this must be obvious to you. I know you know
she loves you. She’s dying, Jon. Like the type of
bird, or is it
all, that do that.
She misses you, Jon.
I tell her she’s eating all right but really, she’s
not. She’s a flower between closing
and opening. I know she’s trying. I see it. Only,
the other things, I see those,
also.
In the closet at night going through your life. The
card you wrote
to you grandmother. Things you were too quiet
or kind
to tell her
I don’t like to think about it. I don’t even like God
now. So tell me, where are you.
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Date of Birth:
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3/10/69
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Location:
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New York, New York
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Email:
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joyblueday@yahoo.com
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Publications:
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Mississippi Review, Poetry Magazine, The Antioch Review, The Squaw Review, Mudlark, Disquieting Muses, Big Bridge, 2River View, Rattle, Perihelion, Poetry Magazine, Stirring V2:E6, etc.
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Awards:
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Robert Frost Poetry Prize
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