Looking For a Few Miles of Adventure with Dear Abby
Dear Looking, you not only have an impressionable personality, but also a bizarre sense of humor. I suspect you enjoy your crank letters to advice columnists. Still, you're not doing anything wrong, so please don't give it up yet. Regret is the cancer of life.
Before you commit to marriage to someone who may not share your spirit, you owe it to yourself to see more of the world. Get it out of your system. That might be the encouragement he needs to clean up his act, not to mention adult fun for both of you.
As for your son, what he did was unfortunate, but his attitude is appalling. At 12, he's not frozen into any role. However, since you feel he is not ready to date, he did the right thing by saying no. This girlfriend may not be as interested in having sex as she may be in doing what she thinks you expect. Think about it: her husband is away. She is lonely, vulnerable, and pregnant with her second child. What would you do?
While some couples argue that swinging opens new doors, I see it as slamming out what should be a precious, meaningful, mutual demonstration of love. However, you have more control than you think. You can stop seeing people, so you will no longer be tempted. You're a wife now, and it's important that you stay strong for your husband. Keep yourself occupied. Write. Fill your time so you can't dwell. Look for little blessings. Smiles make people feel good and open many doors. Personally, it makes my day when someone holds the door for me.
T.A. Noonan is the author of two hybrid-genre collections, The Bone Folders and Petticoat Government, as well as the chapbooks Darjeeling and Balm. Her work has appeared in Verse Daily, Ninth Letter, RHINO, Phoebe, Harpur Palate, and many others. "The Trouble with Correspondence," her essay on the intersections of witchcraft and body image, was named a Notable Essay in Best American Essays 2011. Currently, she lives on Florida's Treasure Coast with her husband and serves as both the Associate Editor of Sundress Publications and Managing Editor of Flaming Giblet Press.