Paul David Adkins

WHAT WAS I THINKING, BRINGING ADRIENNE RICH'S
A WILD PATIENCE HAS TAKEN ME THIS FAR

A car needs brakes. A rifle, a safety switch.
And where I was going, who knew
what I would see or need

to survive?

We were taught to plan
for any eventuality.

The army even issued
a seatbelt cutter
to each Soldier in case
the truck around her burned.

Our uniforms were fireproof.
Our body armor plates could stop a bullet
dead.

I should have known better

than to uncork those pages
in my dark room after work,
the flashlight's white finger
quaking.

Each night I
conjured the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg
trapped within the book.

Each night
I dove into the wreck

of my life

she filled the room
with her boxcutter tongue,

jabbed in my face
the bayonet point of her nail.

Stupid fuck, she sneered.

You stupid, stupid fuck.

Paul David Adkins grew up in South Florida and lives in New York.